I've always had a hard time
telling people too much about me, the silly, insignificant stuff - sure! But
when it comes down to the things that make me truly happy, sad, better or worse
- that's when it gets tricky. I figured, "Why not see if it's easier to
write?". So here I am, fingers poised over the laptop, ready to bore you
all with my incredibly ordinary life. But who knows, I don't intend to edit
this too much so it should all be very honest and hopefully you'll all get to
know me more than most do.
I found
this quiz through Facebook as an A-Z quiz for topics which had hundreds of
questions so I've taken 1 or 2 from each section to narrow it down, it’s pretty
long and hard going so bear with me. Enjoy, my little blogger-flies!
1. Have you ever been in a car accident?
I had my first and only (touch wood) car accident 6 months
after I started driving in 2010. I hit a patch of ice and put my foot
on the breaks too heavily which caused my car to skid, I remember my car
heading for a lamp post so I swerved to miss it and my car started to turn. I
must've blacked out or something from that point because I just remember
opening my eyes and my car was on its side in a waterlogged ditch. It was
surreal because I didn't feel any pain, there was just panic - you're always
told to get out of a car as soon as possible after an accident and move away
from the scene but I couldn't really think. I phoned my Dad whilst I was still
strapped in with my seatbelt on, crying down the phone to him when my instincts
kicked in and started to pull myself up out of my car - I've never felt anything
heavier than my car door that day. Once I was out I was so
frightened, I was on a quiet country road with no one round at about 8 am in
the morning as I was on my way to work. I must've been crying incredibly loud
because after a little while of standing around, unsure of where to go or what
to do, a man came over to me saying he'd heard me sobbing. He owned a farm
down the road from where I'd crashed and took me in. To this day I wish I had
of thanked him and his wife more, they comforted me the entire time until my
Dad arrived. If they weren't around I would have been stuck in the freezing
cold, alone and scared. It took me a long time to get over that, every now and
again I would get a little panic attack as I was driving for no reason. But,
thankfully, apart from some bumps, bruises and a few sore muscles, I survived
the accident completely in-tact - I can't say the same for my poor little
Mitsubishi.
2. Do you have a lot of scars?
I don't have a lot, but I do have 2. One of them I have had
since before I can remember - it's a line along my left arm of about 1-2
inches, unfortunately I have no idea where that came from so it's not very
exciting. I must've cut it when I was little by accident, but it clearly didn't
traumatize me too much! The other was a result of drinking - which is ironic
considering I hardly drink anymore so I had to be scarred from it, eh?! In my
first year of university I was horrifically drunk and fell over onto the corner
of a skirting board which cut my back open and has now left a wonderful battle
wound. At least it’s a word of warning to tell my future mini-me's - DRINKING
SCARS YOU! Literally.
3. Are you self-conscious
of how you look?
I hate the way I look. I mean, some days I’m happy with what
I’m wearing and my make-up. But most days I spend forever
trying on different outfits, trying to sort out my hair and then run out of
time so I have to deal with it. But, even on a day where I think I’m moderately
happy, I’ll step out of the front door and feel like I’m being judged by anyone
who walks past. It’s probably down to the fact that I’ve never had a tonne of
confidence like some people. I used to have really bad acne when I was in my
teens which no amount of make-up could ever cover up which didn’t help and I
suppose I’ve just always been conscious of myself from then on. I still have
terrible blotchy skin from it which I cover up, but it doesn’t help that I’m
terrible at applying face make-up!
4. What do you think makes a person beautiful?
Happiness. I’ve always
admired the people that can find something wonderful in every single day. When
there’s always a reason to smile, no matter how hard the rest of the day might
have been. Most people get their odd down day when nothing can make it better.
But there are those few, special ones that turn their blue days into something
brighter. That is beautiful, to me.
5. What do you think is the
worst punishment someone could give you?
The silent treatment.
I hate it with a passion. The silence just grates on me; it actually makes me
bubble inside with anger. Say, if I’m having an argument and then the poor
unsuspecting victim I have picked on decides to not retaliate, I get so
frustrated because I just want them to shout back at me. Ahhh, just thinking
about it.
6. Can you tell your parents or one of your parents anything?
My Mum knows, literally (and I mean literally) everything about me and my life, relationship, friends. Everything. Partly down to the fact that I trust her with my life, partly because she’s my best friend and partly because I’m a terrible liar so if she ever asks me anything – she knows the answer from the look on my face anyway. There are times when people have said to me, “You told your mum that?!” I can’t think of anything that’s too personal that I haven’t told her.
7. What is one thing you wish you didn’t do, just because it wasn’t worth it in the end?
7. What is one thing you wish you didn’t do, just because it wasn’t worth it in the end?
This isn’t necessarily
something I did but more so something I was. I wish I hadn’t been such a
pushover in my first year of uni. I let a lot of people tell me what I should
do and push me into situations I didn’t want and it took me a fair old while to
realise that those people weren’t good for me. It was mainly down to my group
of friends, I didn’t really drink before I went to uni so it was a big shock
when I was expected to go clubbing almost every night. When you first start at
a new university you think that the most important thing is fitting in and
making friends. So I went out with them every night, they got me smashed and I
came home in the early hours of the morning with my head hung in shame and
feeling pretty darn sorry for myself. Even to this day I’m embarrassed to think
of the way I acted for the first few months of university and wish I had’ve
just had the willpower that I have today to say no. Thankfully, I did snap out
of it fairly quickly and I definitely put it down to why I don’t enjoy drinking
now.
8. When you are mad at someone, how do you show
them?
I’m actually
really patient with most people so I don’t show that I’m angry. If someone
upsets me then I tend to just go a little quieter, but I’m quite a loud person
so I probably just change to a ‘normal’ decibel. For the people that I really
lose my patience with, I’m sorry. I shout or I rant and I’m sure it’s not fun.
But don’t worry – I’m not like that very often!
9. Have you ever lost
someone to death? Explain how you got through it.
I’ve lost a few family
members, mainly grandparents and great grandparents as most do and it’s never
easy. I remember taking my Granddad’s death really hard. I was so little though
so I didn’t really know how to cope. My six year old head couldn’t understand
why he’d left me, I loved him with all my heart and he’d left me. When I had a
really bad day (or what I thought was a really bad day at 6/7 years old) I
would run upstairs to my bedroom and cry into my teddy bears asking for him to
make it better or wondering if he’d left because I was such a horrid little
girl if I had been naughty. It’s funny to think back on how you act as a child
and how you see things but you don’t really understand death when you’re little;
all you know is that they’re gone.
10. Have you gone through a
lot emotionally, or has life been easy thus far?
To be honest, my life
has been pretty easy. I’ve gone through the typical ups and downs and moments
that I struggled to get through. But I’ve never wanted for much in my life, I
owe that to my parents. They’ve given my and my brother’s so much, they’ve
always wanted us to live full and experienced lives so they took us (still do)
all over the world and have treated us on more than many occasions. So I can’t
say I’ve struggled any more than an average twenty something girl.
11. Do you have any
siblings? If so, do you ever get jealous of them?
I
have 2 older brothers, Adam and Luke. I can’t really think of a
time when I’ve been overly jealous of them, I’ve always gotten on really well with
them. We obviously had our fall outs when we were all younger but nothing more
than some healthy sibling rivalry. I guess Adam and I used to get jealous that
Luke was our Nan’s favourite but we got over that years ago! That’s a much
longer story though which I won’t bore you with! But, my Brother's mean a lot to me and I love them both entirely.
12. As a person, do you think you are mature for your age or
still act childish?
Hah. I’m
sure a few of my friends would love to answer this question for me. I’m
definitely not mature for my age. There’s a part of me that’s very responsible
when I need to be but then there’s a much bigger part of me that’s a child
bursting to escape. I love mucking about and joking around and I hope that I always will. Growing up seems so overrated and dull when
you can watch Disney movies and Teen Titans all day or admire your toy
collections whenever you want. If I ever stop wanting to be a Disney Princess,
slap me – repeatedly. Until I cry.
13. Do you believe you still have a lot to learn?
Oh definitely, you’re
learning for your entire life. There’s so much out there in the big, bad world
and so many new things that show up every day. No one can ever truly know
everything there is to know. But that’s what makes life exciting.
14. Do you believe in fate,
that everything happens for a reason, or do you think that our actions lead the
way?
This one’s tricky. I
never, ever believed in fate. Still not sure if I do. How can your life have a
plan for you and lead you to it regardless of the choices you make? It seems
absurd. But then, If I hadn’t have turned down an audition at an academy that I
wanted to attend and decide to go to Bucks New Uni instead. If I had’ve stayed
on my Music Management course or if the Creative Writing course that I wanted
to switch to hadn’t been cancelled then I wouldn’t have ended up on the
Scriptwriting course where I met my Boyfriend. We’ve now been together 4 years
and he’s the man of my dreams. If that’s fate then, yes, I believe.
15. Do you suffer from
depression or constant sadness/loneliness?
This is a hard question to
answer. Let me start with this, no, I do not suffer from depression or ‘constant
sadness/loneliness’ but do I feel depressed? Yes, of course, everyone does
sometimes. There are times when things get on top of you and you feel like you
can’t go on – that doesn’t make you depressed, just because a Doctor tells you
that you might be. You know for yourself how you really feel inside. I feel strongly
about this right now because I’ve been unwell for the best part of a year now
and I didn’t understand why. I started getting constant stomach pains,
headaches, nausea, aches and pains. It got so bad a few months ago
that I began feeling really down about myself. I didn’t understand why the
Doctor’s couldn’t find anything wrong with me and they started telling me that
maybe it was psychological. Then the anxiety attacks started, I’d be in a
public place – first my heart would start trying to escape from my chest,
pounding so hard that I couldn’t breathe. Then the sickness would overwhelm me
and I’d feel like I was going to pass out. It got to a stage when I couldn’t
bear the thought of going out – I’d drag myself to work but otherwise I just
wanted to stay in. I couldn’t even go out for Dinner with Kurt because I’d feel
so sick after a couple bites. But none of that really started until it was in
my head that, “oh my gosh, maybe I’m depressed” - even though I never really
believed it. Lately, I’m starting to get better. I can bear to go out – I still
get pangs but the anxiety issues are calming down and I think that’s since I
realised that only I have control over how I feel. I just need to overcome it.
So don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re something that, you know in your
heart, you are not.
16. Are you usually the one
who makes people laugh, or the other way around?
I usually make people
laugh for the wrong reasons. I’m extremely clumsy, apparently hilariously so. I’m
pretty sure at some point in every day I will either throw something or fall
over in a wonderfully public and dramatic way that most of my work colleagues
and friends enjoy a great deal.
17. Are you currently in love? If not, have you
been before?
I am, very
much, in love. I’ve been with Kurt for 4 years now and I can safely say that I’m
still just as astoundingly happy as I was when we first started seeing each
other. We’ve been through so much together and he has stood by me through every
up and down that I’ve had. Especially the situation I was explaining above. He
has been an incredible rock for me over the last year, I don’t know if I would’ve
got through it without him. He’s extremely kind, funny and intelligent. I’m a
very lucky girl and I’ll never forget that.
18. Is love worth it?
Ask
me this 4 and a half years ago – NO. Love can go find some other sucker. But
now, it’s absolutely and entirely worth it. When you find that person that will
humour your love for all things childish and accept your demands for back rubs
or watch Sailor Moon with you when you’re ill, you’ll know it’s worth it too.
19. Would you rather win
millions of dollars & be set for life, or find the perfect person to marry
& start a family with?
I would
definitely rather marry Kurt and start a family. I’m so ready to start a
family. Our situation isn’t ready but I am! Then again the reason our situation
isn’t ready is because we don’t have the money to start a family… so maybe we
could do with the millions of dollars* (*pounds). Hmmm. Dilemma.
20. If you could, would you erase some things you did in the past
or make it so you did more?
This
is a weird and personal answer from me so… There’s only one thing I really
regret in my past and that is not waiting. I always believed in waiting till I
found the right person to truly express my love to them. This had
never been a problem because any of my ‘boyfriends’ I had at college were never
more serious than kisses due to the fact that I had never spent a night with any of them in
any situation as I lived at home. When I went to uni and lived away I fell for a guy who I thought was great. I
spent 18 years waiting and promising myself that it would be worth it. 18 years
and I let a guy who I’d been dating for a couple months pressure me into
sleeping with him. I take full responsibility for my own actions, I’m not
accusing him of being a terrible person, I mean he wasn’t a particularly nice
guy then but he was a stupid, horny teenager. But I thought I was smitten and I
didn’t want him to get bored of me when he asked me repeatedly if I was ready
yet so I decided to get it over with. A week later he dumped me because he was
bored and only wanted me because I was a virgin. I didn’t
think my heart could hurt the way it hurt that day and for the many days that
filled the months after. Four years later and it’s safe to say I’ve come to
terms with that and it’s something that taught me a valuable life lesson but I
always think, if I had of just waited a little longer then I would have met
Kurt and he could have been my first and last, my one and only. So, I would
erase that relationship if I could.
21. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic? What do
you try to be?
I always try to be
optimistic, there are times when that’s harder, but you always have to believe
that there’s something better around the corner. If you don’t then life would
be very sad.
22. When someone does
something wrong to you, do you confront them and ask them why they did it or
just let it go?
I don’t usually confront people but I’ll let it stew instead. Then
I’ll let them stir the pot and then stew some more. I don’t particularly like
confrontation, it makes me nervous and I rarely ever win arguments because I
eventually back down and apologise even if I think I’m right.
23. What gives you hope when you just feel like dying?
My niece. I didn’t even need to think about this for a second. She is the most beautiful little girl I’ve ever laid my eyes upon and she has a smile that lights up a room. Whenever I’m feeling down, I think about seeing her and think about the fact that one day I will have my own little daughter or son for her to play with. That’s my rainbow on a rainy day.
24. What can someone do for
you to lose all respect for them?
I really dislike
people who judge others and make it clear that they’re judging them. Who are you
to look at someone like they’re lower than you. When people throw it in someone’s
face that they think what they’re doing is childish or ‘pathetic’, what’s the
point? Look at your own life, not theirs. If they’re happy then let them be –
don’t make them feel bad about it.
25. Do you give in to
temptation easily, or are you more independent and strong willed?
Like
I’ve said in previous answers, I used to give in to people far too easily. I
was such a push-over. That’s probably what has made me more strong-willed now,
that I don’t let people force me into doing something I don’t want to do.
Especially drinking, even if I’m out with friends – I’ll maybe have 1 or 2
drinks and then I’ll stick to Coca Cola for the rest of the night, maybe even
scrap the 1st 2 and go straight onto the soft drinks.
26. Do you follow trends, wear
whatever you want, or wear really unique pieces?
I’m so
unfashionable it hurts. On a normal day I genuinely just put on a t-shirt and
jeans. I own more cartoon character t-shirts than any normal person should, it’s
an unhealthy addiction but I just can’t help it! So basically, my wardrobe is
just packed with tees. I’m not even sure what trendy is haha. But I’m
comfortable in my clothes, that’s all that matters. I dress up smarter for work
because we have to but even then it’s a blouse/nice top and a cardigan… not
sure if the one’s I wear are trendy – but they’re pretty, usually with some
butterflies or birdies on!
27. If there was a fire in
your house/apartment, what is the first thing you would grab?
This is going to sound
so sad but I would genuinely grab my teddy bunny, Hippie. My Dad bought her for
me when I was about 10 or 11 I think in Stuttgart, Germany. I have loved her
ever since the day I saw her in the toy shop window and I begged my Dad for her
on that first day. He told me to wait until the end of the trip and if I still
wanted her then he’d treat me. We went away with our family friends that year
and, as I was promised, we went to the toy shop on our last day. Our parents
told us that we could each pick one thing to buy, so me and my 2 friends
trundled into the shop. I went straight to Hippie and gave her to my Dad. We
were in and out of the shop within minutes and waited forever for my friends to
return. Since then Hippie has been by my side through the laughs, the tears and
the tantrums of my teenage years. She’s a bit worse for wear, her fur’s all
matted and smudged with make-up but I love her all the same. She’s been there
for me through so much and there are a lot of memories with her.
28. If you had three wishes, what would they be?
This
is actually quite easy, two are for my brothers and one is a selfish one. My
first wish would be for my oldest Brother and Sister-in-law to fall pregnant.
They’ve been together for longer than I can even begin to remember and have
been married now for over 4 years and they’ve been trying for too long. I
really hope it happens for them soon and if wishes did come true then I would wish this a
hundred times over for them. My second would be that my other Brother, Luke,
would gain more confidence and dedicate more time to his artwork. He’s an
extremely talented artist and sculptor and his talent is really wasted. I want
him to be successful doing something he loves and is creative in. My third wish
would be for myself and Kurt, for us to have enough financial stability to buy
a house, get married and have a family.
29. Are you currently happy with your life? Why or
why not?
My
situation in life isn’t what I expected. I didn’t expect to still be wondering
what I want to do with it and struggling through trying to find my perfect job
in editing. When you go through school and university you expect it all to be
waiting on your doorstep when you return. But am I happy with my life? Yes. I’m
happy with the people that I have surrounding me and that’s all that’s really
important in life. I have a wonderful boyfriend and a family that love and
support me no matter what. How could I not be happy with that?
30. When change occurs, do you get scared or are
you excited for it?
Change
is scary and exciting. It’s scary because it’s different and you don’t know if
good will come with whatever the change may be. But if you don’t jump in and
accept that then you’ll never know. That’s when the excitement kicks in. The
fear subsides and you realise ‘actually, this could be it; the thing I’ve been
waiting for’. I’m excited for that ‘thing’.
If you managed to get this far then thank you for reading. This is possibly the most open I've been about certain things and it feels weird but extremely freeing.